**Brandis**

"B" had character. I think that's what you'd call it...yes, character. You know, like the best old shoes; the timeworn ones with discolorations, rips and fading messages etched from old friends. Although, at one time, you loved those shoes...eventually, you had to throw them away.

Her first impression on me was, unfortunately for her, lasting. Upon first glance, she seemed bigger than life itself with her 5'9" frame. Being 2 inches shorter than myself, that statement may seem ludicrous...but allow me to explain. "B" had this wild, unruley hair that resembled a Nubian lions mane and skin colored deep molasis. Her mouth was more often than not occupied by her ever present tongue piercing. Black framed glasses encircled her small, brown eyes and her clothing was always either one size too big...or one too small. She had extra skin surrounding her body, as a reminder of the person she used to be. I thought she had to be 25...she was merely 19.

Our first conversation was not a pleasant one. I found her rambling about something, I later found out, she knew little to nothing about. Religion. Never a discussion starter I would choose, but coming from Utah....I'd come to the conclusion that I rarely had a choice. After that first meeting, "B" left me with a sour taste in my mouth. How dare she.

Before I knew it, she was sleeping on my bedroom floor. Packing 5 people into a tiny one bedroom apartment wasn't ideal, but "B" was a talker...and I have a hard time leaving people in need. She smelled of clove cigarettes and marijuana most of the time, and she read sci-fi romance novels. We spent many late nights me on my bed, and her on the floor. She usually slept in a worn out wifebeater and ripped underwear, and we'd reminice about love, sex, politics, and yes...religion. She was a classic born hippie. Berkely California had lost one of its best, I knew it.

There was something about her the perplexed me, somthing I couldn't explain. It was with her I whitnessed my first line of coke being snorted, my first bong rip, my first New Years on the beach. She brought out this side of me I'd never thought I had. "B" appeared so carefree but she hid her feelings like the small pieces of shake we'd often find hidden in her kinky hair.

I watched as she started to wear down. She burned bridges and began stumbling through the embers...day by day. After awhile, I coudn't have a conversation with her without a cigarette in her one hand and a regret in the other. I witnessed as her excentricity faded into dependancy. I guess she never quite understood her own needs. I'll never meet anyone else like her. It was time to leave her behind...along with a small pile of mistakes and ash.

I wonder where she is now. I wonder.