Twilight

It's all coming to me as if a tsunami is headed this way and I've got 10 seconds to release my song. Tiny pieces of frustration laced with experience, I've got too many phrases and not enought time. I'm tired of running circles around the person I've tried to be, still, I try. Circles; they're a waste of energy and I constantly find myself bound to the same place I started. So instead I wait for approval, search for approval, pray for approval of the same men that have ruined me. I am...a strong woman who has never realized the weight of the scars left on my soul- I am...a woman who's tried time and time again to erase the words etched into my peace-of-mind. I am...a girl who has never known anything other than change. Change of heart- change of body- change of beliefs- change of character. I am...asking for your approval, but not patient enough to wait for an answer.



So they push and they pull at my last bit of comfort as if they were born to do so. When it rains it floods in flashes of overwhelming heartache. I'm not ready for what lies ahead, I'm not pure enough. Feeding off the energy of a thousand lost souls...I myself, cannot be found. And everytime I get close to something that appears to be whole, once again I become a whitness as it whithers to nothing. The worst part is the only way I know how to keep my head above the current is to run...in circles...around what should have been.

Fragments of Me

Change. I'm changed and changing, ever so subtely. It's slow and it's the pain that I feel in my chest from day...to day. I'm here. I swear I am...But not really. I left here years ago, before I understood loss. I left in a dream that carried me to better days and wishful promises. I'm a wanderer. Walking along the shore in hopes that one day, I too, will be free. Sand crawling inbetween my ever-so-awkward toes, I'm crushing my mistakes beneath my feet. It's useless, for I will inevitably scoop them up and quietly make them again. Perhaps worse the next time around. Why am I crying? I am...nothing but blessed with everything I'm told I need. I am the golden child, please...tell me to be happy. This is my destiny. To just simply BE and in existing, I will stumble into bliss. Stumbling. That's one thing I do very well.