Twilight

It's all coming to me as if a tsunami is headed this way and I've got 10 seconds to release my song. Tiny pieces of frustration laced with experience, I've got too many phrases and not enought time. I'm tired of running circles around the person I've tried to be, still, I try. Circles; they're a waste of energy and I constantly find myself bound to the same place I started. So instead I wait for approval, search for approval, pray for approval of the same men that have ruined me. I am...a strong woman who has never realized the weight of the scars left on my soul- I am...a woman who's tried time and time again to erase the words etched into my peace-of-mind. I am...a girl who has never known anything other than change. Change of heart- change of body- change of beliefs- change of character. I am...asking for your approval, but not patient enough to wait for an answer.



So they push and they pull at my last bit of comfort as if they were born to do so. When it rains it floods in flashes of overwhelming heartache. I'm not ready for what lies ahead, I'm not pure enough. Feeding off the energy of a thousand lost souls...I myself, cannot be found. And everytime I get close to something that appears to be whole, once again I become a whitness as it whithers to nothing. The worst part is the only way I know how to keep my head above the current is to run...in circles...around what should have been.

Writing: Spilling words is so much easier than spilling tears. But what happens when I find myself breathless?





The more time that passes, the more I realize how pointless regret really is. It is a step to progression, perhaps. Yet, it'll eat you alive if hold its' hand for too long. I'd gotten so used to telling the world exactly what I thought it wanted to hear...but the fact remains: I'm gone.



I knew this girl once...beautiful, amazing girl. We clicked, like I'd known her forever. We shared pretty much everything after awhile. Dreams. Loss. Faith. Shelter. She was family and I saw a little bit of myself in her eyes. I planned on growing old next door to one another, but she had other plans. Maybe I couldn't give her what they have...whatever that is.



They talk about how love never dies. Maybe there's only one real test of true love, something millions of people have spent thier lives trying to figure out. Maybe love is unconditional. Devotion beyond betrayal, beyond time, and distance. I don't think it's meant to be complicated...we make it that way.


I wish you love.